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Mar 17, 2005
See you from across the room, I want you. Just staring, wishing you were next to me. Envisioning your love inside of me, it's ecstasy. Wanting to approach you, I'm afraid you won't want me the way that I want you. We meet eyes for a second, my heart is racing. Should I turn away from you? You're just too beautiful to me. Feeling awkward now. Can't find the right words. Maybe I'll see you in another life. Too dramatic, want to talk to you. Need to kiss you. Feeling like a lil' school girl, perhaps I should send you a note on this napkin- check yes if you think I'm pretty, No If I'm not the girl for you. Smiling- you're smiling back. The eyes never lie. Wanting to kiss, hug and touch you. The eyes never lie. Needing to kiss, hug and touch you. The eyes they never lie.
Posted at 01:58 am by KRYSIECENT.
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Mar 13, 2005
ALRIGHT SO TODAY MY EX I GUESS YOU WOULD CALL HER POPS UP. AIN'T SPOKE TO HER IN WEEKS CAS SHE'S MAD ABOUT A LETTER I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEND HER. SO FUCKING WHAT. BITCH GOT REAL BESIDE HERSELF SO I HAD TO LET HER KNOW ABOUT HERSELF. GROW THE FUCK UP. THEN SHE THOUGHT I TRIED TO CURSE HER OUT n LOG OFF.. KRYSIECENT DOES NOT HAVE TO TRY TO CURSE ANY NIGGA OR BITCH OUT.. IF THAT'S WAT I SET OUT TO DO IT GETS DONE. I CHECK MY DAMN YAHOO SHE LEAVES ME THIS SEMI-KRASY MESSAGE SAYING.. yo u corny as shit, how you gonna try and cuss me out then leave, dat's that nut ass shit. I thought you were better and had more class than that but I guess I was wrong about you. And for future references, you don't want it Krystal so don't fuck wit me cuz I'm not the one. You think you can handle it then bring it cuz I'm ready. BITCH!!!!!!'
AIN'T NOTHING LIKE A CHYCK SCORN I TELL YA. SMH. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE WITH ME OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'RE FEELING. I HAVE NO IDEA AS TO WHAT THAT MSG WAS supposed TO DO. PERHAPS MAKE ME SCARED? MAYBE HAVE ME RUN TO MY SISTER. GO GET A KNIFE? WUT THE FUCK smh. GROW THE FUCK UP DRE'A. YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT TRUST ME.
ANDDDDDDDD MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW. BIG SHIT :|
Posted at 10:02 pm by KRYSIECENT.
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I Love You. I Love you for who you are becoming. I love you for who you once were before me. Love your smile, I love your grace. I love the way you laugh. Something about you that just makes me lose my cool. Something about you that makes me write corny shit like this. Something about you that makes me believe in you. There's something about you that makes me believe in me. I suppose if you didn't know anyone else in this world loves you, know that I do Love You. I see a change in you for the better. I adore you. My love is and will always be unconditional. Son of a bitch
Posted at 02:19 am by KRYSIECENT.
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Mar 12, 2005
ALRIGHT FIRST LET ME SAY.. HOW FLY WAS I ON THE BET STUDIO II STAGE WIT 50 CENT.. HOE!! ON BITCH WIT A FACE SHOT.. HA .. SMH
UMM YEAH SO WHY DO SOME NIGGAZ THINK THAT JUST CAS THEY GOT A LIL BIT A CASH FLOW I'M POSED TO JUST GET ALL STUPID, DISREGARD ALL MY MORALS AND CLIMB INTO BED WIT' THEM OR JUST DECIDE I WANT TO GET AT THEM?! FUCKKKKKKK OUTTAAAA HEA FAM.. THAT SHIT DOES NOT IMPRESS ME. ***ESPECIALLY*** IF JU ARE UGLY. I NOT CARE HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE. IF YOU ARE NOT APPEALING TO ****MY**** EYES I WILL NOT FUCK WITH YOU. MONEY DOES NOT MAKE ME HORNY NOR DOES IT CLOUD MY JUDGEMENT. THIS NIGGA YO.. HE A FLY LIL NIGGA.. NICE JOB.. BUT HE'S UGLY. "I GOT EVERYTHING I WANT BUT YOU." THEN THAT'S YA BAD THEN AIN'T IT MUFFUCKA. :| FUCK OUTTA HEA. I TRY TO BE NICE SO I SAID "WASSUP" AND WHAT DOES HE SAY? "YOU TELL ME" UGH SHUT THEE FUCK UP DICKFACE. WHY MUST YOU BE SO EXTRA. BOY O BOY DO I DISLIKE BROOKLYN NIGGAZ. GO A-WAY. THEN THERE WAS THE INFAMOUS MICHAEL WILES.. I WISHHHH I WOULD FUCK YOU TO GET ON.. WHAS MY OTHA NAME? KRYSIE? YES IT IS. SMH FUCK OUTTA HEA. IF I WERE TO EVEN ***THINK*** ABOUT SCREWING A MAN TO GET ON IT WOULD BE .. SHIT IF YOU KNOW ME YOU WHO IT WOULD BE. BUT THAT NEVER EVEN CROSSED MY MIND SO WHY IN THEE FUCK WOULD I COMPROMISE MY VERY BEING FOR.. MAN BLOW ME.
NIGGAZ THESE DAYS KILL ME. GROW UP AND ATTEMPT TO BE A MAN. YES MONEY GIVES SOME POWER BUT NOT ENOUGH TO HAVE ME OUT HERE ACTING A FUCKIN FOOL YA LIMP DICK. SHAKING MY HEAD HARD.
OHHHHHHHHHHH NAZI'S PARTY WAS TODAY.. I AIN'T SEEN HIM SINCE THE WEDDING.. CUTE ASS.. HIS OTHER GRANDMA(MY MOMMY) CURSED ME OUT.. SMH RUDE LIL OL LADY, LOL.. I HAD FUN.. SAW NICKY OH MY SHE'S A HUGE ASS 2 MONTHS.. AWWWWWWWW MY BABYYYYYYY HAVING A BABY.. SHE GOT ME FEELIN' THIS 112 SONG AND THIS FUCKIN' BOBBY VALENTINO SHIT.. NOW THATTTTTTT IS MY SHIT.. GOOD CAS I NEED A BREAK FROM LISTENIN' TO HIM.. HE ON MY NERVES.
MY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYY IS IN 2 DAYS!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D HOEEEEEEEE!!!
Posted at 11:23 pm by KRYSIECENT.
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Mar 8, 2005
*ALRIGHT SOOOOOOOOOO YEAH IN 7 DAYS KRYSIE WILL BE 20!!! HOEEEEEEEEE!!* YEP MARCH. 15th.
HMMM DID MY BABY SELL LIKE A MILLION RECORDS IN LIKE 4 DAYS??
AM I GONNA BE SOOOOOOO STANK COME TUESDAY LIKE REALLY.. MY NIGGA WANTS ME TO BE THE EYECANDY FOR HIS LIL MAGAZINE.. THAT MEANS FLY ASS OUTFIT n SOME MAKEUP ... YUP.
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO GONNA CUM DOWN HIS BACK.. OHHHHHHH MYYYYYY GAWDDDDDDDDD... *faints*
DID I SEE ME ON THAT BET COMMERCIAL FOR 50'S STUDIO 2 STAGE AIRING FRIDAY @ 7:30.. YESSSSSS I DID!!! HOW PRETTY AM I? SO PRETTY IT'S FUCKIN' REDICKULOUS!
ME BABY NAZIR TURNED 1 TODAY.. I FUCKIN LOST THE DAMN # SHAY DUN KICK MY ASS I'LL SEE Y'ALL SATURDAY.
EVERYTHING ELSE IS A FUCKING BLUR.
PEACE OUT B
Posted at 11:04 pm by KRYSIECENT.
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Mar 3, 2005
Last night, she spoke to me in a dream. She told me to be strong. Keep holding on. She told me to smile- game face on. Don't let 'em get you down. Pussies love to see you sweat. Do what you have to do now, you're a soldier. You gonna come this far and just quit. He.. he doesn't know any better. Don't live through him. Don't let him be your only inspiration. He'll see what I see. He'll see what they see. Wait, he does see what they see, he has yet to realize it though. Remember I came to you in a dream before? I'm watching you baby girl, you're special. Only you can reach out to him. You have to remain strong. I'm going to push you. "Do what you got to do though." Do you remember those words? Do you remember who told you that shit? He did.Yes. he cares for you. Deeply. It amazes him. I see it in his eyes. Do like he said and do what you got to do because you have to. They're all counting on you. Didn't you say you were tired of those four walls. You are tired period. From time to time I will check on you. Scary isn't it? You've never met me. Only heard of me. Don't even know what I look like but I see you. I watch over you. That other thing you were worried about. Don't. God he understands. He doesn't fault you for that. Just figure out who you are now. Figure out who you want to become. Stand tall. Stand strong. I must go now.. Your time will come- you must be ready. Game face on.
Posted at 10:43 pm by KRYSIECENT.
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MEMOIRS OF A SADDENED BLACK GIRL.
Tired. I'm tired of believing. Dreaming. Wishing. Hoping. Praying. Craving that one day you will be here with me. Doing anything and everything. I'm tired of these tears that stream down my face night in and night out. I'm tired of feeling hopeless and helpless. Lost cause. I'm sick of being alone. Not being touch, fucked and caressed. Do I really know what real love is? Do I really know what it feels like to be loved? I know what it feels like to be neglected, overlooked, and overshadowed. Beauty. She is me. But now it seems as though she isn't. She left me a long, long time ago. Maybe that is why you don't want me anymore. You never did. This is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I'm alone in this cold, cold world. No one really understands me. No one really gets me.. the Real Me. So I guess as usual I will cry. I will cry until I cannot cry anymore. Until my vision is so blurred that I cannot see. Black out. Possibly, that is what I need to black out from all this irrelevant shit.
Looking back on my earlier years I realize why I am so scared. At age 8 I was the ugly girl. "The Jolly Green Giant," is what they called me. I would come home, lock myself in my room and just cry. Apparently much hasn't changed since then. No real friends. Daddy wasn't around. No big sister. No nothing. I remember I wanted to sing just like Janet after watching her video, "If." That is actually the first video I can recall. But oh no not ugly bucktooth Krystal she can't sing. She is unattractive to all but her mother. The boys don't like her, some are even afraid of her. What a fucking weirdo. No one will ever really like me. Daddy pops up, what the fuck does he want? I cannot trust him, he left me and mommy. All I wanted was to be loved, but he is my father- I share his last name. I begin to trust in him, then guess what? God takes him away from me. Three months prior to my 13th birthday he dies. Junior is a little better, but it still sucks ass. Not as ugly but I'm still surrounded by the same assholes that tormented me. Boys really don't like me still, but again, it isn't as bad. A few get my attention, nothing major. Her body develops. You would think that'd help. Why do all the ugly girls get the ass and the small waists? From the back it's like DAMN! But her face Oh no. Why does her bestfriend Jazzmen talk to her, she is such a loser. But I get through it. I remain strong. Looking back that was nothing compared to some of the other shit that has happened to me. I swear it's true what they say, "Be careful what you wish for because it may come true." The computer can be a deadly thing if you're not careful. It breathed life into me. People found me interesting. I had a few "friends," or so I thought. I met him. I will never be the same again. I thought If someone who had it "all" took an interest in me, everything would be okay. I felt pretty at times, but most of the time I felt horrible. I dreaded myself. I resented him. I thought I loved him. It's as clear as Krystal now that I did not. I compromised who I thought I was. I listened to everyone else at times. He didn't like me, he wasn't different. He didn't take a genuine interest in me and all I thought I had to give. He used me. For what reason? What did I have? It hurt. He hurt me deeply. I was raped. I was pregnant. High school wasn't so bad. I was a soldier I got through it. I learned "Everything that glitters ain't gold." "Give people what they accept, not what they deserve." is what he said in relation to business. At times I think that very same thing is being used on me. Don't break my heart I tell him. "I WOULDNT" Is his reply. I can feel the tears streaming down my face. I bit the side of my lower lip. He makes me feel so beautiful. Never ugly. Times change and so do people. I wanted and still do want this to work. Whatever the hell this is. If nothing else, I hope he enjoyed the conversations we shared with one another. 20 months is a long time to simply talk to the opposite sex, without sexual gratification and not develop any feelings. Even for him. Yes, he liked .. likes me. Yes he loves me. Why wouldn't he? We have laughs, arguments. Conversation period. I know he can't say that for many women or women period. I cherish him. I respect him. I am loyal to him. I love him. I am in love with him. That is why it hurts so much. I am in love with him. I was not supposed to be in love. I was not supposed to be in love with him. I was not supposed to care for him the way I do. I just wasn't. It's as if I was screaming, hurt me please, I want to be made a fool. I want to feel stupid. But that's not my fault. My heart opened up unexpectedly. I saw and still do see him in another light. He is special. So special .. to me. No one can do what he does. No one can and will ever make me feel the way he makes me feel. All these intense emotions I have for him and we've never even touched. Not a hug. Not a kiss. Nothing. His eyes engulfed my soul spewing my emotions out of control. Trying to piece together this puzzle. There is no left and there for damn sure isn't any right. It's just what it is. So thankful but so fed up. How can you tell me I'm beautiful, you clearly mean it but make me feel like such. I highly doubt it is intentional but I cannot help how I feel. I will sit here and write till I cannot write anymore. Until my fingers feel like they will bleed. I have to get all of this out before I can move on and do what I am I destined to do. I talk about how special he is, but what about me. Do you realize how special I am. I am a star in the making. God made me special. I have to do this, despite some of the setbacks I've been challenged with. "No one ever said this would be easy." "An OG told me God gives his favorites a hard time." Shit, that explains everything. I have to survive. I have to make it- It's in my nature. And with all this being said, I love him more and more each day. I appreciate him. I know deep down inside he feels the same for me. He has to realize how good I am for him. This is what makes it so hard. This cannot be G. Not like this, nah it can't be. Tired of dreaming. Tired.. SO IT WILL CHANGE.
ANDDDDDDD MY BIRTHDAY IS MARCH 15TH.
Posted at 10:35 pm by KRYSIECENT.
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I AM SUCHHHHH A CHICKEN!! LMAO
OH MY.. YES SO I TOOK MY FLY SICKLY ASS TO SEE 50 y OLIVIA.. n SOME OTHER PEOPLE. LMAOO I FOUND MYSELF TELLING SOMEBODY SOMETHING AND "THEY" KEPT STARING AT ME.. IT WAS COOL..
HE IS ANOTHER STORY. I JUS HAPPENED TO BE IN THE FRONT ROW SO I HELP UP THE VIBE MAGAZINE n HE LOOKED n SMILED n SO DID SHE.. AND HE LOOKED SO MORE. THESE BITCHES WERE CRYING, I HAD TO CALM DOWN THIS GIRL.. POOR LIL UGLY THING. IT HAPPENED SO FAST.. AW MAN n I WAS JUST A DANCING AWAY, LOL THAT SEEMED TO HAVE CAUGHT HIS ATTENTION HE WATCHED ME BOUNCE FOR A FEW. OH NO I SEEN THESE NIGGAZ FROM SHAY BLOCK .. TODD HIS TALL FYNE ASS(6'6) I'M MAD HIS NIGGA WAS LIKE YOU THYCKI-THYCK.. AS IN THYCKI-THYCK ON BP... I SAID OH HELLLLLLLLL NAH DON'T BE SAYING THAT.. smh THE STREETS IS TALKING. :|
I ENDED UP STAYING FOR BLUEPRINT AND JUST MY LUCK THEY PLACED ME *DIRECTLY* IN FRONT OF HIS ASS. THESE GIRLS WERE GOING BANANAS. GRABBING HIS HANDS n SHIT.. OH MAN HIS FUCKIN CHAIN DAMN NEAR BLINDED ME.. IT WAS COO HOW E DID JUST A LIL BIT n OUTTA CONTROL n I WAS LIKE, "GOT MY DIAMONDS MY FITTED n MY MINK ON" n HE JUST GAZED AT ME smh I WAS LOOKIN LIKE MHM NIGGA I KNOW THE WORDS TO YA NEW SHIT. FOR SOME STRANGE REASON EVERYTIME HE DID A PART n A SONG THAT WAS SEXUAL LIKE MAGIC STICK OR A LINE IN P.I.M.P.. JUS A LIL BIT HE WOULD LOOK AT ME n SMIRK.. HMM GO FIGURE?! LMAO THAT SHIT WAS TOO FUN YUP.. I HAD A GOOD DAY.. TOO BAD I CAN'T HARDLY FUCKING BREATHE NOW.. :D
Posted at 10:32 pm by KRYSIECENT.
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Feb 17, 2005
RANDOM ISH CATCHIN UP n SHIT
SO I'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY.. SMH KRYSIE BUSY? YUCK! MOMMY'S BEEN SICK :( WE'LL BE ALRIGHT.
I HAD TO GO FIND OUT MY MEASUREMENTS THE OTHER DAY I WAS REPULSED- 36-29-41. CAN WE GET THAT DOWN TO A 26-27 MAYBE? POSSIBLY..
KAY I'MA BE A GODMOMMY!! IT'S GON BE A GIRL. :) BUT A WEIRDO.. A FUCKIN' LIBRA.. BETTER LIBRA GIRL THAN BOY.
WHAT ELSE? THAT LIL OPPORTUNITY DIDN'T WORK OUT.. APPARENTLY HIS DICK WAS.. YEAH.. AND I WAS LIKE NAHHH.. SO MHM.. FUCK YOU BITCH MY BROTHER GON FUCK YOU UP!
VALENTINE'S DAY WAS COOL.. EXCHANGED GIFTS n WHAT NOT..
I GUESS IT'S REALLY TRUE YOU DO LEARN SUTTIN NEW EVERYDAY.. AH WELL.
MY HOME GIRL SMH GOT STABBED IN HER HEAD SO I MUST GO TO PHILLY TO SEE HER.. SHE KICKED A BITCH OUT HER MOMS CRIB, BITCH CAUGHT HER FROM BEHIND.. I HOPE MY MAMAS DON'T END UP IN JAIL.
I AM SO MAD I'M IN TAE'S GROUP.. I REMEMBER I SAW HER IN DRU HILL'S I LOVE YOU VIDEO AND WAS LIKE DAMNNNNNNNN CAS SHE REMINDED ME OF CHI. HER AND NAY ARE GOOD FRIENDS AND YEAH..
MY KC HAD ME WORRIED TALKIN BOUT SHE HAD SURGERY BUT SHE'S ALRIGHT... *WINK, SMIRK*
WE WAS LAUGHING AT SOME OF OUR OLD CONVOS.. SOME OF THE SHIT WE SAY IS BANANAS! THAS MY STISTA.. OH SPEAKING OF STISTAS I SPOKE TO MARA- MY OTHER BESTFRIEND FROM LIKE 3RD GRADE.. WE HAD SOME CATCHING UP TO DO- SHE THINK SHE IS JUST TOOOOO PRETTY.. EW STOP IT FUCKING BIG TITTIE HOES.. I STARTED TO WRITE SOMETHING BUT I'M GOOD ON THAT. LET ME JUST PUT IT IN HERE BEFORE I FORGET.. Craving the sweet satisfying taste of each well placed Kiss, I sit back and dream.. I want you, but I want you to want me just like I want you. Needing to feel your chest firmly pressed against mine I want you, but Why don't you want me just like I want you? Wishing you could live deep inside of me for as long as possible. Seems as though you don't want me now, Might I be able to change your mind? This is more than just a mere fantasy. More than a dream. Don't let this opportunity pass you by I want you Got to have you It's evident I need you Have mercy on me
act like you need me just as I need you. Come here, listen to my love letter It reads as follows:
I THINK THAT SHIT IS PART OF A STORY OF SOME SORT..
OH NO WHY DO I HAVE A CRUSH ON MARIO.. NICKY SAID THAS STANK THAS LIKE MY BABY DATING BOW WOW- LOL. BUT NO I HAD A FUCKIN' DREAM ABOUT DUDE AND AW MAN.. YEAH..
FEELIN' MARQUES HOUSTON'S SONG.. VERY NIIICE..
OH NOOOOOOOO WHY DID THIS HIV VICTIM HIT ME UP TLKN BOUT SOME FUCKIN' HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY BABY GIRL LIKE I LIKE HIM? LIKE SHIT IS SWEET. FUCK OUTTA HEAAAAAA B. COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. OF COURSE HE ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE GOING TO THIS SHIT.. LOSER
I HAVE THE FLU BUT I'M ALRIGHT.. THINGS ARE LOOKING ON THE UP n UP DESPITE LITTLE BULLSHIT *SMILE* WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU WORKS FOR ME. WHATEVER MAKES MY FRIENDS HAPPY MAKES ME HAPPY. I WANT TO SEE EVERYONE HAPPY.
Posted at 12:01 am by KRYSIECENT.
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Feb 1, 2005
AND FIRST WUT THE FUCK.. IS KRYSIE SYNONYMOUS WITH THE NUMBER 50???? BUT ANYWAY...
THE OTHER DAY, THE 24TH TO BE EXACT OR MAYBE IT WAS THE 25TH OR 26TH.. THAT SUNDAY YO.. BUT YEAH I WOKE UP AND I HAD THIS WEIRD DREAM. I'M KNOWN FOR THOSE SHITS BUT THIS TAKES THE CAKE. ALRIGHT I WAS COMING OUT OF THE TRAINSTATION FROM WHEREVER AND THIS DUDE DRESSED IN DARK BOOTS, LIKE TIMBS, GORETEX, B1 BOMBERS ETC WAS STANDING ACROSS THE STREET.BLACK BAGGY JEANS, A BLACK HOODY, A SKULLY AND HER HOODY WAS ON TOP OF HER SKULLY. A BIG BUBBLE COAT ON.. HE WAS OF COURSE A HUSTLER. I COULD FEEL DUDE STARING AT ME SO I'M LIKE, OH GAWD HERE WE GO AGAIN. AS I GET CLOSER TO DUDE HIS EYES WERE FAMILIAR TO ME LIKE THEY COULD HAVE PIERCED THROUGH MY SOUL. BUT HE WASN'T A HE.. HE WAS A SHE.. AN AGGRESSIVE FEMALE.. SHE'S LIKE, BABY GIRL COME HERE, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. HER SMILE WAS COMFORTING, AND AGAIN, HER EYES WERE SO FAMILIAR TO ME. I SMILED BACK AND SAID, I GOTTA GO UPSTAIRS, I HAVE TO PEE. I COULD FEEL HER WATCHING ME AS I WALKED UP THE BLOCK TO GO HOME.
I DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING OF THE DREAM. I WOKE UP AND GAME WAS ON MY TV. I'M WATCHING SUCKER FREE SUNDAY, THEY THEN SHOW ALL EYES ON:50 CENT, THIS CAME ON AT 3:3- PM. THE DAY GOES BY, IT'S NOW 9PM- ENCORE PRESENTATION OF SUCKER FREE SUNDAY. ALL EYES ON:50 CENT CAME ON AGAIN. THEY ASK HIM ABOUT HIS MOTHER AND WHAT DID THEY TELL HIM IN RELATION TO HER DEATH. AND IT HITS ME.. THE LADY IN MY DREAM WAS HIS MOTHER. I JUST SAT ON THE BED IN SHOCK.. WHY DID I DREAM THAT? WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO TELL ME? WHY WAS SHE TELLING ME ANYTHING? I CALL NICKY AND BEFORE I COULD FINISH, SHE'S LIKE IT WAS ______'S MOTHER- WOW.. I SAID YEAH TELL ME ABOUT IT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THAT. SHE SAID WELL SHIT I DON'T EITHER.. THAT'S ONE DREAM I'LL NEVER FORGET FOR MORE REASONS THAN ONE. *SIGHS*
Posted at 11:59 pm by KRYSIECENT.
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